


Poor Penny

by cthecreator



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Boys Kissing, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dirty Jokes, Domestic Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow, Fluff, M/M, POV Penelope Bunce, POV Simon Snow, POV Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Simon Snow's Wings and Tail, SnowBaz, nothing sad so read for laughs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-12 22:14:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15349881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cthecreator/pseuds/cthecreator
Summary: Just something short that takes place right where the book ends. Simon and Baz won't stop scarring Penny with dirty jokes and kisses. They all laugh about it though





	Poor Penny

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fic and I'm pretty pleased with it so please show it some love. Sorry if it's bad and you hate it but I thought it was pretty decent. A little boring in some parts but still pretty decent. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it :).
> 
> Feedback and constructive criticism is always welcomed and appreciated.

I get up to find the biscuits Penny won’t stop going on about. I lean down before looking for the biscuits and give Baz a kiss back, on the lips this time.

“Seriously, Simon? Disgusting!” Penny says while pretending to vomit and then laughing.

I roll my eyes at her and laugh. Baz smirks and gives out a tiny laugh. I move away to go find those bloody biscuits they keep pestering me about. I walk about the flat looking for the box with the biscuits in it. This would have been much easier if Penny would’ve labelled the box "Biscuit Box", but I guess I’ll just have to look through them all. I walk over to the kitchen to look some more. All these stupid boxes everywhere. I open and thoroughly look through about seven of them and still no biscuits.

“Simon! Biscuits!” I hear Penny yell from the other room.

“Still working on it!” I yell back. I push aside a box to the other side of the kitchen. Still no biscuits.

 

BAZ

I sit as I wait for my helplessly troubled but drop dead gorgeous _boyfriend_. That’s right. Simon Snow is my boyfriend. Crowley, I never thought this would ever happen. This is a recurring thought in my head. I keep thinking of Simon and when I think of him I don’t call him "Simon", I call him "my _boyfriend"_. I say it with emphasis too just like a little girl would. How embarrassing. It makes me smile though. The thought of Simon bloody Snow as my boyfriend. I can’t help _but_ smile.

I’d just been staring at my phone aimlessly, smiling at my thoughts when I hear someone clear their throat.

“H-hmm” I turn to face the only other person in the room, Penelope Bunce. She’s looking at me with a smirk like she knows exactly what I was thinking about. I widen my eyes and quickly bring them to normal size but she’s too smart so she notices and laughs.

“Yes, Penelope? Can I help you with something?” I ask while turning my face to my phone- trying to look as calm and collected as possible.

“You can help me by telling me about the thought you were having about Simon right now.” She says with a smile a kid would give their mum when they ask her for something when they know that’ll probably get them what they want. I’m shocked that she knew I was thinking of Simon so I quickly whip my head in her direction.

“W-w-what are you talking about?”, I say pretending to laugh. Maybe she won’t notice but, who am I kidding? She was able to tell I was thinking of Simon so I already know she knows and that she won’t be giving up anytime soon to get the information she wants. I should probably give it to her too before Simon comes back. Then she’ll ask in front of him and I’ll blush like a mad man. Crowley, this boy does things to me.

“Don’t play dumb, Basilton. I know that look on your face.” Penny says giggling.

“What look?” I ask panicking. She notices this. Of course she notices this. She’s Penelope Bunce. Probably the only magician that is on my level of smarts.

“The look you were just making on your face, Baz. I know it. You wanna know how I know it?” She asks with that same smile as before. So sure of herself.

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I had a look on my face.” She turns to me, her whole body facing me now.

“I know that look because it’s the same face Simon makes when he thinks about you.” She says with a warm look in her eyes and a soft smile. I can feel my face get hot. I’m blushing. Curse me for hunting before I got here. “Awww, how cute. You’re blushing!” Penny says to me, knowing full well that’ll just make it worse.

“Ok, ok, Bunce. Yes, I was thinking of Snow. Now stop harassing me.” I say turning redder and redder. I look away.

“Ok, fine,” she says “I just can’t help but be happy for you guys is all.” Happy? She's always groaning whenever we do anything coupley.

“So you’re happy when we think cute things of each other but can’t stand it when we kiss?” I ask turning to her and laughing a little.

“Well, duh. You guys thinking cute things is you guys thinking. You guys kissing is physical and I don’t need to think of or see you guys being physical.” she says with a disgusted look on her face.

I laugh and say, “Maybe I was thinking of being physical with Simon just now.” with a smirk.

“Oh for heaven’s snakes, Baz! I don’t want to hear that.” she says while pretending to vomit.

I laugh and tell her, “Maybe Simon is doing the same when he makes that face.”. She doesn’t like that one bit so I laugh even more.

She moves further away from me and yells, “Simon! Biscuits!”.

He yells back, “Still working on it!”.

I get up while laughing, Penelope giving me the most disgusted face ever. I know she’s playing so I smile and shake my head. I head over to the kitchen quietly to sneak up on Simon. I turn a corner into the arch of the doorway and I see him sitting on the floor facing opposite of me with a box in his lap. I walk up behind him and crouch down.

“You ok, love?” I ask, knowing it’ll startle him. He jumps and turns around quickly.

“Crowley, Baz. You almost gave me a heart attack.” he says smiling. That smile is so beautiful and bright. So, so bright. I look away to his eyes while smiling.

“Sorry, love. Just checking up on you. You were taking a while with the biscuits and Penelope couldn’t take any more of my lewd jokes.” I say laughing.

He turns to me with a curious face. “What jokes?” he says with shock on his face. I smirk at him and his face goes from shocked to playful. I laugh at this. “Oh, come on Baz. We don’t want to scar Penny.” he says pretending to be serious. I laugh a little and so does he.

“You don’t even know what I told her.” I say, still laughing.

“What did you tell her then?” He says with a raised eyebrow. Crowley, it’s like he knows exactly what to do to get me to talk. If I were a spy and had highly classified information and my enemies sent Snow to get the information from me, we’d all be dead.

“She was pestering with questions about what I was thinking about because apparently I was making a face that she recognized as the same face you make when you think of me.” I say a little embarrassed now knowing that Simon knows that I was thinking about him and smiling. “She said how it was cute and that got me wondering why that was cute but us kissing wasn’t so, I asked her what the difference was.” I say this all very fast because I know I’ll lose his attention if I don’t get to the point quickly. “She said it was different because us kissing is physical and us thinking about each other isn’t and so I said that maybe I was thinking of being physical with you just then. It was quite funny the face she made.” I say smiling a bit. I look up to Simon and he’s smiling while he rolls his eyes at me.

“Like I said, we don’t want to scar Penny, now do we?” he asks while trying not to laugh.

“Why not?” I ask playingly. “It’s quite funny and I think she seems to think so too.” I say laughing. Simon laughs along. “So back to what I came in here for, do you need help looking for those biscuits, love?”

“Yeah, they’re impossible to find.” he says furrowing his brows in light frustration. So bloody cute. So, so bloody cute.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

We’re all sitting down, drinking the last of the tea that we’ve had to spell hot at least three times now, and eating the biscuits I finally found. Simon was taking forever so I magiced them up for us. They flew out of the box right into my arms and Simon kept telling me he swore he had already checked that box.

As we sit down and chat the sun goes down and time gets later and later. We’ve got the telly up and the couch in place put there’s boxes everywhere filled with all sorts of things. Simon and I are on the couch while Penny is on the stuffed chair her parents gave her, relaxing with her feet on the coffee table Simon was sitting on earlier in the day. I’m sitting upright while Simon’s laying down with his head in my lap. I’m playing with his hair while we all watch the telly. I look over to Penny and I could see her eyes getting heavy.

“Getting sleepy over there, Bunce?” I ask in a playing manner.

“Just a little.” she says through a yawn.

“Why don’t you sleep then? Your bed is put together isn’t it?” I ask.

“Yes, and I would go to bed but I don’t trust you two to not do something on my couch while I’m sleeping.” she says with a raised eyebrow and stern look. Simon turns his head to her, finally peeling his eyes of the telly and paying attention.

“This is both of ours, Penelope.” he says sassily to her.

“Then you’d think you wouldn’t do anything on it since I will be sitting there too but I don’t know if I can trust you two.” she says playing but with a little truth in her words.

“Don’t worry, Bunce. We won’t taint your precious couch. That’s what the kitchen table is for.” I say laughing through my words. She gets up with a huff and rolls her eyes at Simon and I. She knows I’m only playing. Mostly playing.

“Fine, but I swear the minute I find out _any_ of the furniture has been tainted, you’re buying me a brand new everything of what you ruined.” she says with a raised brow and serious tone.

“Ok, ok, Penelope. New everything that we corrupt, we got it.” I say hurriedly. She rolls her eyes again before taking off to her room. “Wait!” I say once she’s out of sight.

“What?” she yells back.

“Does the whole buying what we taint thing count if it’s something in Simon’s room?” I ask while laughing. Simon smiles and shakes his head a little trying not to laugh.

“I can’t believe you, Basilton.” Penny says while walking away.

I’m still playing with Simon’s hair and his attention is back on the telly once Penny closes her bedroom door. Her room is just down the hall. Simon’s is on the other end of the flat, just past the kitchen. Of course that one is his room. I roll my eyes and smile thinking about it. This flat is pretty private. They both could do their own thing without bothering the other but knowing these two, they’re always going to be together. When I get out of my thoughts, Simon is looking up at me. I put a puzzled expression on my face as a way of asking what.

“You stopped playing with my hair.” he said in a whispered tone, sounding like a sad child.

“Oh, I’m sorry, love. Do you want me to continue doing it?” I whisper back. He just nods his head yes and closes his eyes. “Ok, love. Anything you want.” I say leaning down to kiss the mole on his neck. We sit like this for what seems like an hour. I pull out my phone and read the time. 1:47 AM. We’re still watching the telly but Simon’s eyes are heavy with fatigue.

“Ready for bed, Snow?” I whisper to him. He just nods his head yes and closes his eyes. “Well, you have to go to your bed.” He sits up, already half asleep. It’s like once I said the word bed he fell under a sleeping spell. He looks lost and very tired. I get up and as soon as I’m standing I hear a tiny thump behind me. I turn around and there’s Simon, laying back down on the couch with his eyes closed. “Come on, Snow. Off to your bed.” I say like a mother would to their child. He groans and shakes his head no and before I know it he’s pulled me back on the couch and he’s spooning me.

“Stay with me.” he says through his fading voice.

“Ok, love. I’ll stay here with you.” I say pushing the hair out of his face and kissing is cheek.

I continue to watch the telly with Simon’s soft snores in the background. Quite literally the background since he’s right behind me. I feel myself drifting away to the sound of his breathing and light snores. I close my eyes and just as I do I feel his wing fall lightly around me. I drift away to the sounds of the telly and Simon’s breathing. Aleister Crowley, I’m living a charmed life. I smile as sleep takes over me like a wave. I drift off.

 

PENELOPE

I wake up in the middle of the night and notice that I’m not in my bed. Well, not completely anyways. My back and head are on the bed but my legs are hanging off the side of the bed, touching the ground. I sit up a bit confused and look around. I’m still wearing my glasses. Why am I still wearing my glasses? I must’ve been extremely tired when I came in here last night. I wouldn’t be though if those two would just learn not to corrupt every piece of furniture around them so that way I could stop scolding them for it and go to sleep at a normal time like a normal person. I turn to look at the clock but it’s not there. Guess I didn’t take it out of the box yet. I grab my phone off the bed side table and open to the lock screen. The time says 3:00 AM. I get up and open my door. I can hear the telly still on.

_For heaven’s snakes, Simon. We pay the electric and I’m not going to pay my part of it if you’re the one keeping the telly on all night._

I walk down the hall and into the lounge. I walk over and I see Simon and Baz laying down asleep on the couch. Simon’s wings and tail are showing. The spells don’t last very long and I know they both worry about it as much as I do. One of Simon’s wings is over his shoulder, holding onto Baz’s. His tail is lazily thrown over Baz’s leg. What a mess those two are. An ex-magician that now has wings and the tail of a cartoon devil and a vampire that just so happens to also be a magician. Crazy how life works. They almost killed each other on multiple occasions and now they’re cuddling on _my_ couch.

I go over to the coffee table and grab the remote to the telly. I turn it off and go over to one of the boxes that’s labelled "Duvets". I quietly open it and grab one out big enough to cover both boys. I go over to the couch and lay it over them. It’s pretty cold and I’m sure Baz isn’t keeping Simon warm with his cold body.

I turn to the coffee table and grab all the mugs off of it. I head to the kitchen with three mugs in hand. I put them in the sink and head back to the lounge. I grab the empty box of biscuits that was left on the floor.

_Merlin, Simon. I’d’ve thought you’d start to be neater after you and Baz shared a room for seven years but I guess I was wrong._

I throw the box away in the bin and go back to my room. Tired as ever, I take my glasses off and set them on the bed side table. I walk over to a box labelled "Pyjamas" and find something to wear to bed. I change and flop into bed. Merlin and Morgana, this feels wonderful.

 

SIMON

I wake up to the sounds of Baz’s sleeping. It’s not quite snoring, more like heavy, soft breathing. Whatever it is, it’s mesmerizing. I watch him sleep for ten minutes until he yawns and then I know he’s awake.

“Good morning, darling.” I say kissing his temple. He loves when I call him that and I know he does, no matter how many times he tries to get me to think otherwise. I’m still spooning him and my wing is wrapped around him. Even when I’m asleep I want to protect him. He just groans as a response and turns over so his face is buried in my chest. He pulls himself closer and I can feel him inhale deeply, taking in my scent. He exhales just as deep and smiles. Merlin and Morgan and Methuselah, he’s adorable. I kiss his temple again and unwrap my wing from around him. He opens his eyes and looks up to me.

“Why?” he whines like a child that’s not getting their way.

 _“Why?”_ I ask him, “Because we have boxes to unpack, that’s why.” I say with a warm hearted smile and apologetic eyes. He just flips onto his back and looks at my with a raised eyebrow. I sit up now that he’s moved.

“What is this _we_ you speak of? I don’t recall packing things in boxes so I could unpack them later on. I won’t be unpacking _anything_.” he says sassily with his brow still raised but now he has a dumb smirk on his face too. So dumb and cute. He’s shifted so that way one of his legs is out straight across the couch while the other is bent so that way his foot lies flat on the cushion. His arm is bent in an upside down V shape with his hand behind his head, cushioning it on the arm rest of the couch. Crowley, he’s so good looking it should be a crime.

I’m sat across from him on the other end of the couch just staring at him. I could lean right over him and take his perfect lips in mine, and I do. My body squeezes in between his legs while my arms keep me floating above him by pushing against the arm rest. He’s shocked at first but soon relaxes and kisses me back. I fall into his lap so our stomachs touch. He wraps his arms over my shoulders and I throw my arms behind his perfect head. He moves his hands to my hair and his cold fingers feel like icicles on my scalp but I don’t mind. I’ve come to love the feeling actually. I’ve come to love lots of things about Baz, like his morning breath for example. The same breath I taste on my lips now.

“H-hmm.” I hear angrily coming from the other side of the coffee table that’s placed in front of the couch. I stop kissing Baz and look up to see an annoyed Penny with raised eyebrow, waiting for an explanation. I quickly jump off of Baz and stand up from the couch. Baz looks to me with a confused face that asks why I jumped off of him. His eyes go to where mine are and they grow wide when he sees Penny standing there but quickly go back to normal size when he smirks at her.

“Oh, hello, Penelope. Lovely morning we’re having, isn’t it?” he asks Penny with a grin, trying to get under her skin.

“I warned you, Pitch.” Penny says, “You’re buying me a new couch now.” while staring into his eyes to show she’s serious but I know she’s not completely serious. I let out a sigh of relief that she’s not actually mad at us. Baz notices and catches on quickly so he plays along. His grin falls and goes to a playful frown.

“Aww, but we hadn’t even done anything yet.” he says with a dramatic frown on his face, trying not to break character by laughing.

 _“Yet?”_ she yells a little with wide eyes, her eyebrows going way above the rim of her glasses. She knows he’s only messing with her.

“Yeah, _yet_.” Baz says back. “You interrupted us before any of the fun stuff started.” he says with a big grin on his face, laughing a little at the little fake argument their having. She notices and breaks character.

“You’re unbelievable, Baz.” she says while laughing. Baz and I join in on the laughter when suddenly she stops. “Seriously though, next time I catch you guys snogging I’m spraying you guys with water just as if you guys were cats.” she says with a tone that sounds like it’s supposed to be serious.

“We’ll be _extra_ careful that there won’t be a next time, promise.” Baz says with a fake apologetic voice.

“I got my eyes on you two.” Penny says while pointing to us. She starts making her way towards the kitchen when Baz chimes in.

“You sure you want to do that? You might catch us doing something so unholy you’ll go blind.” he says while laughing. I roll my eyes at him after he says this.

“Ok, that’s enough, Baz. Remember, we don’t want to scar the poor girl.” I say while laughing.

“Unbelievable, you two.” we hear Penny yell from the kitchen. We just laugh.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone actually read this all the way through, I just want to say thank you. This is my first fic and just the thought of someone sitting and reading what I wrote brings a smile to my face so, if you read this thanks :).


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